Straight Talk: Helping Bright Teens Through Tough Times (continued)

Share your own experiences of peer pressure; it can be a profitable topic of conversation in the family. (Jim Webb)

Practice "role-stripping." First practice the exercise with yourself, then share the activity with your family. Think about the five most central roles in your life -- mother, daughter, wife, father, and accountant, etc. Write each of these roles down on a slip of paper and rank them from "1" (most important) to "5" (least central in your life). Take the role marked "5" and crumple it up and throw it away. Imagine what your life would be like without that role. Then do the next for "4" and so on, until you have only one role left. Now throw that away. What do you have left? Who are you behind your roles? (Jim Webb)

Finding "purpose"

Within earshot of your teen, discuss that people are multi-potential, rather than having only one "correct" course. For example, it's estimated that the average U.S. person will have four to six different careers during their lifetime. Frankly, some of these kids will need that change. (Jim Webb)

Discuss the difference between talents and passions. Sometimes their paths cross; other times they don't. Down the line, you may regret not pursuing your passions, but it may not matter if you let some of your talents fall by the wayside. (Jim Delisle)

Encourage your child to become involved with a "cause" by modeling an example and assisting your child in the process. When you are involved in a cause, whether it be civil rights, environment, or church, you are connecting with other idealists. As a result, you are likely to find peers and feel empowered, rather than feeling alone and helpless. The type of cause doesn't seem to matter and often these gifted children and adults become "cause-jumpers" who jump from cause to cause to cause over the years. (Jim Webb)

Help your child identify ways to help others, initially on a small scale. Part of what gives us purpose in our lives is the feeling that we can make a difference. (Deborah Ruf)

Get a pet! They can be a source of support for adults and children. Children often feel valued and not judged by animals. (Nadia Webb)

Parenting

As described in Sylvia Rimm's "V" of love, set more limits when the child is younger and gradually expand these as the child gets older and demonstrates the ability to handle some freedom. There is a big difference between intelligence and wisdom. Maturity comes with age and youngsters need guidance. (Jim Webb)

Allow opportunities to practice independence and making choices. It is like a life-training program. (Esther Sinclair)

Teens need risk in order to grow; they need parental support in order to take those risks. If the risk taking becomes dangerous, parents must act. (Esther Sinclair)

You can never keep too close an eye on teens. Many engage in risk-taking behavior. While it's not possible to stop them entirely, you can moderate what they do. (Esther Sinclair)

Different parenting skills are required to care for adolescents than for younger children, and parents must also operate from a different knowledge base. (Esther Sinclair)

Understand that adolescents fight with their parents. It is not meant as a personal attack on you, but rather signals a desire for greater independence -- but not total autonomy. (Esther Sinclair)

Laugh a lot - especially whenever something dumb happens that makes the world not as serious a place as it always seems to be. (Jim Delisle)

Point out your teen's bravery and encourage positive self-talk. Sometimes courage is found in carrying out the day-to-day tasks one interprets as challenging. Domestic courage shouldn't be undervalued, such as confronting disabilities and other areas of weakness. (Nadia Webb)

Suicide

Have your son or daughter make a "contract" with you that they would tell you before acting on their suicidal feelings. It opens the door to talking about suicidal feelings in the future, even if they give you grief about humoring a "nutty" parent request. (Nadia Webb)