Talking to Your Child's Preschool Teacher

Enrolling your little one in preschool can be a time filled with many questions. How well will my child adjust to preschool? Will my child make friends? Will the teacher understand my child? Establishing and maintaining an open, clear channel of communication with your child's preschool teacher can lessen many parental concerns.

Getting to Know the Teacher

When selecting your child's preschool, there are many factors to consider: safety, cleanliness, general curriculum, overall philosophy, cost, and location. It's a good idea to meet your child's teacher before making your selection and make an appointment to visit the classroom. Watch how the teacher interacts with the children, talk with the teacher, and ask any questions you may have.

While in the classroom, pay attention to how the teacher runs the class and how the children respond to his or her direction. If the children seem happy and interact well with the teacher, chances are good that the teacher's classroom style will serve your child as well.

When you talk with the teacher, ask about a typical day. You may also want to ask specific questions, such as, "If my child came into class crying one morning, how might you handle that?" or "How do you deal with a child who hits others?" Other useful questions might include how the teacher handles discipline, temper tantrums, toilet teaching, biting, or other preschooler concerns. A teacher's answers can help you evaluate how creative he or she might be in responding to everyday classroom dilemmas. You can also learn a great deal from how responsive a teacher is to your questions. If the teacher appears defensive, uncomfortable, or uninterested while replying to your inquiries, that could signal future communication problems and may mean that the teacher and preschool aren't the right fit for you and your child.

Parent-Teacher Conferences

Some preschools schedule meetings during the year to discuss a child's developmental and behavioral progress. Typically, these conferences cover a child's play style and social, language, cognitive, and physical development. If your child's preschool doesn't schedule conference time, you should feel comfortable making arrangements to speak with the teacher about your child's progress. It's important to participate in conferences with your child's teacher because it can help you understand your growing child and shows your interest and cooperation. If your work schedule doesn't allow you to attend, ask if you could schedule a meeting after school hours or over the telephone.

A parent-teacher conference should be the time for listening and communicating openly. If your child's teacher has prepared a formal report for the meeting, let him or her go through the report before asking questions.

Most of the time, a preschool teacher will emphasize your child's strengths. But the parent-teacher conference also offers an opportunity to point out areas that your child may need to work on. For example, a teacher may suggest writing letters, stringing beads, or practicing cutting skills at home to improve a child's fine motor skills. If the teacher has concerns about your child, try not to become defensive - this may make the teacher hesitant to discuss any problems for fear of confrontation. Try to ask direct and focused questions, with the assumption that any problems raised are ones that can be solved. Because of the limited time of most parent-teacher conferences, however, it might be useful to schedule a future time when any troublesome issues can be discussed in more detail.

Discussing Problems

If a problem, such as biting, arises with a preschooler in the classroom, the best tip is for parents and the teacher to sit down and discuss the issue together. If your child has serious behavioral problems, talk to your child's doctor, who can work with your child and may refer you to a psychologist.

In deciding whether to bring up a problem with a child's preschool teacher, it's important not to overestimate a preschooler's point of view. If, for example, your toddler complains that "no one plays with me" or "I'm bored" in school, give it some time if it doesn't seem serious. Preschoolers' likes and dislikes frequently change, and they're just starting to learn how to interact with other children their age. Also, there's a whole range of factors, including whether they're sick, hungry, or didn't get enough sleep the night before, that can influence a child's day-to-day reactions to school. However, if your child continues to complain, is acting different, or is unusually unhappy, contact the teacher at once.

If your preschooler complains about the teacher, try to find out what he or she is unhappy about. Often, a preschooler may complain if he or she is put in time-out or isn't given a popular classroom job, such as line leader. It's helpful if you support the teacher and talk to your child about following rules or taking turns.

If you have concerns about the teacher's style or performance, talk to him or her first. If your concerns aren't resolved to your satisfaction, your next stop should be the teacher's supervisor. It's a good idea to try to work out any problems rather than to change preschool teachers midyear, unless absolutely necessary. Your child may take a switch to a new school to mean that any time there's a problem, it can be solved with a new teacher or a new school. It's better to show your child how to work through problems rather than avoid them.

Building a Relationship

It's important to form a good relationship with your child's preschool teacher - for both you and your child. Approach your child's teacher with an open mind and clear, direct questions, so that you can be a part of your child's preschool experience and take pride in your little one's achievements.

Remember to also share praise - both yours and your child's - with the teacher, as well as his or her supervisor ("My child really enjoys story time," for example). This approach not only makes the teacher feel appreciated, but also creates a positive framework that makes it easier for teachers to receive negative feedback in a constructive way.

Think of yourself and your child's teacher as a united team whose shared goal is to help make your child's preschool experience a happy and productive one.

Updated and reviewed by: Mary L. Gavin, MD
Date reviewed: August 2004
Originally reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD

Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.

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