Talking to Your Child About Puberty

Today, kids are exposed to so much information about sex and relationships on TV and the Internet that by the time they approach puberty, they may be familiar with some advanced ideas. And yet, talking about the issues of puberty remains an important job for parents because not all of a child's information comes from reliable sources.

Don't wait for your child to come to you with questions about his or her changing body - that day may never arrive, especially if your child doesn't know that he or she can talk to you about this sensitive topic. Keep reading to learn how you can talk to your child about puberty.

Timing Is Everything

Ideally, as a parent, you've already started talking to your child about the changes our bodies go through as we grow. Since the toddler years, your child has been asking you questions. And most of your discussions probably come about as the result of these inquiries.

It's important to answer your child's questions about puberty honestly and openly - but you shouldn't necessarily wait for your child to come to you to initiate a discussion. By the time a child is age 8, he or she should know what physical and emotional changes are associated with puberty. That may seem like a young age to know about "adult" topics, but consider this: some girls are wearing training bras by age 8 and some boys begin to grow facial hair when they're just a few years older than that.

With girls, it's imperative that parents talk about menstruation before girls actually get their periods. If they are unaware of what's happening, girls can be frightened by the sight and location of blood. Most girls get their first period when they are 12 or 13 years old, although some get it as early as age 8 and others get it as late as age 16.

On average, boys begin going through puberty a little later than girls, usually around age 11 or 12. But they may begin to develop sexually or have their first ejaculation without looking older or developing facial hair first.

Just as it helps adults to know what to expect with changes such as moving to a new home or working for a new company before they happen, your child should know about puberty beforehand.

Many children will receive some sex education at school. Often, though, the lessons are segregated, and the girls hear primarily about menstruation and training bras while the boys hear about erections and changing voices. It's important that girls learn about the changes boys go through and that boys learn about those affecting girls, so check with your child's teacher about his or her lesson plans so you know what gaps need to be filled. It may help you ease into a conversation if you coordinate your talks with your child with these school lessons.

What to Say

When talking to your child about puberty, it's important to offer reassurance that these changes are normal. Puberty brings about so many changes, and it's easy for your child to feel insecure. Many times, adolescents will express insecurity about their appearance as they go through puberty, but it can be helpful to know that everyone goes through the same things and that there's a huge amount of normal variation in the timing of these events. Acne, mood changes, growth spurts, and hormonal changes - it's all part of growing up and everyone goes through it, but not always at the same pace.