What to Do if You Suspect Abuse (page 3)

If you think someone you know is abusing a child

Preventing child abuse is everybody’s business. If you think a child in the neighborhood is being abused, do not ignore the situation. Some warning signs that a parent might be abusive include staying away from other parents in the neighborhood, not participating in school functions, showing signs of a drug or alcohol addiction, and being unwilling or nervous about discussing their child’s injuries. There are many things you can do to help the child. First, introduce yourself to the family. Learn about them and their situation. Bring a dinner or a dessert over. Perhaps the mother, father, or other care giver is overly stressed, addicted to drugs or alcohol, or simply unable to care for the children. If you can, volunteer to watch after the children occasionally to give them a break. Support them with words of encouragement and sympathy. After some time, you may be close enough or know enough to recommend a parenting support group, an educational class, or even a doctor or counselor who can help. If the child is being abused, it must be reported. Just as child abuse is a crime, so is not reporting it. With one phone call, you could save a child’s life.

If you think that a baby-sitter, teacher, child care provider, or other acquaintance is abusing a child, you must stop it. Limit or supervise contact between the child and the suspected abuser if you can. The child MUST be protected from further harm. To report abuse, you need only a reasonable suspicion, not absolute proof. There are many places you can call for help.

Look below to find out what to do if you think a family member is abusing a child, if you think your child is being abused, or if a child tells you about abuse.

1. Contact your local child protective agency, police, hospital, or emergency hotline.
2. • Agencies for reporting abuse are under the Department of Health and Human Resources in the phone book. It may be under social services, children and family services, child protective services, or human welfare services. If it is a weekend, holiday, or late at night, contact the police or an emergency hotline.
   • Call the Childhelp USA 24 hour national child abuse hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD. Childhelp USA is a nonprofit, non-governmental organization that can put you in touch with a counselor immediately or help you find a reporting agency near you.
   • Abuse must be reported in the state in which it occurs.
   • You can remain anonymous, although it makes it more difficult for the agency to contact you if they have further questions.
   • Try to supply the child’s name, age, address, gender, school, and parents’ names.
   • You can make the report in person, over the telephone, or by mail.
3. File a report.
   • If the child is young, or if there are no physical signs of abuse, or if the child is a family member, a social services agency will most likely handle the case.
   • If a non-family member is abusing the child, the police may take the case.
   • After you report, you may or may not be able to learn what happens to the child because of confidentiality laws. The agency will do what they can to help the child. Call and check to see how the case is being handled.
4. The child welfare agency will decide upon the appropriate course of action.

If you think a family member is abusing a child

Eighty percent of abused children are harmed by someone they know and often love. As a member of a family where abuse may be taking place, you are in both a tricky and powerful position. The first and most important thing you can do is to protect the child from further harm. Why is the child being abused? Is there something you can do to help out? Perhaps Mom is working too hard and loses her temper quickly. If you can, volunteer to help out more at home to give Mom or Dad a break. Another option is to recommend parenting classes, parent support groups, or a doctor or counselor for the person responsible for the abuse. If none of these courses of action seem promising or possible, you should get outside help immediately. There are many places you can call for help.

1. Contact your local child protective agency, police, hospital, or emergency hotline.
2. • Agencies for reporting abuse are under the Department of Health and Human Resources in the phone book. If it is a weekend, holiday, or late at night, contact the police or an emergency hotline.
   • You can always call the Childhelp USA 24-hour national child abuse hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD. Childhelp USA is a nonprofit, non-governmental organization that can put you in touch with a counselor immediately or help you find a reporting agency near you.
   • Must be reported in the state in which it occurs.
   • You can remain anonymous, although it makes it more difficult for the agency to contact you if they have further questions.
   • Try to supply the child’s name, age, address, gender, school, and parents’ names.
   • You can make the report in person, over the telephone, or by mail.
3. File a report with the child welfare agency.
   • More and more frequently, the offender rather than the child will be removed from the home. This depends on many factors including the immediate danger to the child, the motivation for the abuse, and the ability of the offender to hurt the child. The offender may receive therapy, or if it is a severe case, may serve time in jail. Sometimes children are placed in temporary foster care. The welfare agency will do its best to keep the family together as long as it remains healthy for the child.
4. The child welfare agency will decide upon the appropriate course of action.

What to do if a child tells you about abuse

If a child confides in you about abuse, you need to know how to respond. There are many ways a child can tell you about abuse, and not all of them are direct. Oftentimes, the child will drop hints, ask spontaneous questions about abuse, or allude to abuse in some manner. Be on the lookout for these signs so that you can be sure to spot the clues the child is offering in the hope of finding help. There are many things you can do to make the child comfortable and confident enough to confide in you.

• Listen carefully.
• Remain calm. If you show signs of shock, horror, or disbelief, the child may stop short and refuse to talk about it any more.
• Tell the child that you believe him and that you are glad he told you.
• Comfort the child and reassure him that it is not his fault. Explain that you are not angry with him, and he has not been bad.
• Tell the child you will make sure that it stops. Comfort him and make him feel safe.
• Do not promise not to tell or make other promises you cannot keep.
• Do not discuss the issue with anyone but those helping the child.
• Do not push the child to give details he does not want to give.
• Particularly in cases of physical and sexual abuse, take the child to a doctor to be examined.
• Get counseling for the child, and perhaps for the whole family.
• Seek help. Contact your local child protective agency, police, hospital, or emergency hotline.
• Agencies for reporting abuse are under the Department of Health and Human Resources in the phone book. If it is a weekend, holiday, or late at night, contact the police or an emergency hotline.
• You can always call the Childhelp USA 24-hour national child abuse hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD. Childhelp USA is a nonprofit, non-governmental organization that can put you in touch with a counselor immediately or help you find a reporting agency near you.
• Abuse must be reported in the state in which it occurs. File a report with the child welfare agency.
• You can remain anonymous, although it makes it more difficult for the agency to contact you if they have further questions.
• Supply as much information as you can regarding the child, the offender, and the type of abuse.
• You can make the report in person, over the telephone, or by mail.
• The child welfare agency will decide upon the appropriate course of action.