When Baby Makes Three -- or Four or More (continued)

Sleeping: separate or together? Parental decision to separate the infants or keep them together in one crib often depends on whether the hospital has separated or kept them together. Having them in one crib can make life easier for parents, but gradual separation is usually advisable. Many parents report that when the children get older they may start the night in separate beds, but they're often in the same bed in the morning.

School: separate classes or together? The decision rests on the individual situation. It's not advisable to separate children before they're ready, which depends on how self-sufficient they are and if they've had other social contacts apart from each other. Some twins, such as girls and identical twins, tend to be more attached to each other. For some, the separation should take place gradually; they might start pre-K and Kindergarten in the same class, and then attend different classes in first grade. Some educators believe that separate classes are preferable in that they promote independence, discourage clinginess, and encourage new friends. Separate classes avoid comparisons by teachers and other children, especially if one child does better academically. On the other hand, same class placement has advantages. Most twins work well together and get security from each other. If one teacher is involved, it's easier for parents in terms of homework; however separate conferences should be scheduled for each child. The decision is best made by cooperation between school and family.

What about other children in the family?

Older children in the family could be involved right from the start. During pregnancy they can help choose equipment and clothing for the new babies, and they can later be involved in their care. When the infants are greeted with fuss and attention by parents, relatives, friends, and even casual onlookers, parents can remind visitors to acknowledge all the children, not just the new ones. Encouraging the older children to spend time and talk with each twin separately emphasizes each child's individuality and reinforces an older sibling's role as part of the caring team. Although it may be hard to find the opportunity, parents should spend some individual time with the older siblings.

Parents' expectations

Parents' experiences with an older child may affect their expectations about the way they expect their twins or supertwins to interact.

I thought I had some control over my life, but my twins taught me humility, said Susan, mother of three. I had a wonderful relationship with my daughter Kim, who was three when her twin brothers were born. Kim spoke very early; she was very verbal and we enjoyed reading books together and talking about them. I expected Evan and Lewis to be similar, but much to my surprise, they were quite different. Neither of them was interested in sitting quietly and looking at picture books. They were both action-oriented; they enjoyed running around and bouncing off each other. It took quite a bit of adjusting on my part.