Working with School-Age Children: Promoting Friendship (continued)

Give children opportunities to practice cooperation and problem solving.

Have children work on projects together or play games that require cooperation and group problem solving skills. For example, races in which teams are given an odd assortment of materials to complete a task are fun and provide plenty of practice in teamwork. You might even want to take such activities a little further with follow-up questions such as "In what ways did your team work well together? In what ways didn't you work well together? What might you do differently next time?" For ideas, see books such as The Second Cooperative Sports and Games Book by Terry Orlick, Energizers and Other Great Cooperative Activities for All Ages by Carol Apacki, and Team-Building Activities for Every Group by Alanna Jones.

Encourage children to show support and appreciation for others.

You can encourage children to do this by setting the example for them, by modeling the behavior. For example, you could tell a child, "I appreciate the way you showed the new girl around and made her feel welcome" or "I like the way you hustled out there. You really helped the team." Depending on your group, you may want to include a more regular or formal show of support and appreciation, such as a special-person bulletin board or an appreciation circle. These kinds of activities enable each child in the group to receive and show support at some time.

Help children develop skills valued by their peer group.

For example, being able to play sports tends to be important for school-age children. They do not have to be a superstar, but it is easier to join in and have fun if they know the rules and have the basic skills. If you work in an afterschool program, you might know a child or two who would like to join in games but have a hard time because of a lack of skills. You could help these children develop their skills by offering to kick the ball around with them yourself or by enlisting a volunteer to help. Just make sure not to pressure a child into anything she does not want to do. The pressure will only make her feel inferior. Make sure not to let the practice become a drill or drudgery. Be encouraging and focus on the fun of learning or playing together.

Conclusion

 If you are concerned about a child in your program or group making enough friends, stop to consider whether the child just has a different social style. For example, the child may prefer one or two close friends rather than a wide circle of friends. One style is not better than another. What matters is that the child is comfortable and happy with his friends. If it seems that the child has no friends, consider sharing your concern with the child's parents. Start out on a positive note by talking about some of the child's good qualities. Then, share with the parents what you observe happening. Make sure you express genuine concern for the childs overall well-being. You might suggest that the parents talk to the child's teacher, school counselor, or family counselor for additional guidance and resources. Whether you work with children in an afterschool program, 4-H club, scouts, or other youth program, you play an important role in their social development. Your support and the safe, accepting environment you create make it possible for children to meet new people and make friends. Friendships are very important to school-age children. They help children develop the self-confidence and social skills they will need as adults.