Building Self-Esteem in Children

4. Make the rules of life clear

The last thing parents can provide to facilitate self-esteem in their children is structure. Structure is a word that actually implies two separate concepts: routines and limits. Routines provide structure over time, and limits provide structure over behavior.

Another way to think of structure is like the rules of a game. How well could you play Monopoly, Hop Scotch, Tag, or Hide and Go Seek, if there weren't rules? Rules include who goes next, under which circumstances, and when. The rules also include what happens when someone goes outside the normal bounds of play  miss a turn, pay a fine, etc.

Knowing the rules of the game of life is sometimes referred to as internalizing structure. This, too, is also a form of competency  when the child knows the hows, whats, whens, and wheres of life. Unfortunately, this information doesn't come automatically. Children may pick some of the rules up incidentally as they go along, but this leaves much to chance. Parents can help their children internalize structure by commenting on daily routines, specifying appropriate behavior, providing feedback, and by providing consequences for undesirable behavior.

These four ingredients, valuing, competency, good deeds, and structure, form the basic building blocks for the development of self-esteem. And why develop self-esteem in children? Children with healthy self-esteem feel good about themselves, relate well to others, behave more appropriately, and are more aware of the world around them.

  Article by: Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW.  Gary Direnfeld is a child-behavior expert, a social worker, and the author of Raising Kids Without Raising Cane (Secrets of the Trade, 1992).  For more information on Mr. Direnfeld's book, Raising Kids Without Raising Cane, call 905-628-4847 of email gary123@sympatico.ca.

Additional Articles/Resources

(Note: You'll find these articles at different websites. Use the "back" button when you're done to return to this page.)

Assets, The Building Blocks of Life If you thought your house or your car were the most important "assets" your family had, read this article to see how to provide the best "assets" your child will need.

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Importance of Setting Limits Children need and want guidance and limits until they can depend on themselves to make appropriate choices. This article offers support and tips on how to teach children what is expected, to set rules and standards for approved conduct, and to define and enforce consequences for behavior.