Living the College Life: Should I Move in With My Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

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Some arrived at their position on this subject through firsthand experience. "Moving in with my girlfriend was probably the worst mistake of my collegiate career," says Adam Lucido.

Others reached their conclusions by watching their relationships with their friends sour: "Many of my friends have . . . eventually moved in with their significant other"and then they disappear," says Sabryna Phillips.

And many simply can't imagine why anyone would want to ­sacrifice their limited personal space during a time of life that's supposed to be all about independence.

Coed living is not an option in college-sponsored two-person dorm rooms, but students are free to mix genders in off-campus apartments, where many live during junior and senior years. While students interviewed don't categorically condemn living with a boyfriend or girlfriend, they say the potential drawbacks, for everyone involved, far outweigh the potential benefits.

Adam Lucido says the formalities of living together with his girlfriend"from socializing together to financial matters"made him feel trapped. "[It] killed our relationship," he says. "I felt even more miserable in that I still had to live with this person"talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place." He admits that it might seem logical for couples to move in together, since they spend so much time with each other in the first place. But convenience is only one factor to be considered.

Personal space is perhaps the biggest. Students living with their boyfriend or girlfriend can possibly feel they have no space to themselves, given that the pair probably shares the bathroom, kitchen, and bills"and perhaps the bedroom. The only "escape" is class or work time"unless, of course, those hours are shared, too. That closed-in feeling, if it surfaces, has the potential to breed resentment and fuel a break-up faster than a fling with an old flame.

But even when couples are happy to spend every waking minute together, they're usually doing so at the expense of time with their friends. And anecdotal evidence suggests that "friend neglect" is a frequent byproduct of a college couple's cohabitation. The couple may not notice until months have passed that they've missed critical time with friends.

"I am lucky to see them in passing on the way to class," says Sabryna Phillips, regarding friends who are too wrapped up with their live-in paramours. "I do not think that is any way to spend your college career."

Erin Malony has had similar experiences. "I don't see my friends who live with their significant others nearly as much as I see others," she says. The first thing to go when a couple moves in together, from what she's observed, is quality time with friends of the same gender. In those cases, either the couple neglects the friends, or the friends aren't comfortable hanging out when they know their pal's boyfriend or girlfriend is always very close by. "While I'm sure this is a compromise that must be reached when you get married . . . you aren't married yet. Living together is a big step that signifies an incredibly deep commitment"which, during college, when you don't even know who you are, maybe isn't the best thing."