Roommates: How Will I Get Used to the Relative Lack of Privacy?

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Like many issues covered in this book, privacy is a matter of perspective. College, despite an overflow of youth and energy, can be excruciatingly lonely for those far away from home who haven't yet adjusted. For them, the solution lies in knowing that there's always someone in the floor's lounge watching TV, or there's always a door to knock on"or walk on through, since they're often propped open.

Conversely, for those who are adamant in their desire to be left alone, a dorm full of freshmen will never be the place to find solitude. It's more like a beehive or a shopping mall where nobody over 21 is allowed.

So how do students deal with that lack of privacy? They get used to it. They learn to adapt. They make the most of it. And the best ones thrive on it.

"I not only got used to the lack of privacy, I loved it," said Vinda Rao of Tufts University. "Some of my best memories of freshman year were of me spending time in other people's rooms, watching movies, eating burnt popcorn, and instant messaging. You'll get used to having your door open"in fact, it'll seem kind of strange if it's closed, other than when you're asleep."

Fortunately, as Vinda points out, students do have control over their privacy: "If you are an extremely private person, lock your door, and [when you do want to socialize] spend time in the common area." Doing so is a great way to get to know people, she says.

The privacy crunch is felt most acutely by those who live in small, open rooms with a roommate. Jennifer Maden of the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, suggests learning your roommate's schedule, and taking advantage of the time that she'll be out at class, work, or activities. "These times are good to set aside if you know that you need alone time on a weekly basis. Otherwise, the privacy issue becomes less important over time."

Your room, however, is not the only place to find privacy. There will be days when you want to be alone but your roommate is likely going to be in the room all day, watching TV, reading, or surfing the Web"such as on a rainy Sunday. In these cases, if you really want privacy, you'll have to find it somewhere else.

As important as alone time is, however, Jennifer Maden advises being grateful for the positive aspects of sharing a room: "You learn to appreciate having someone to talk to when you get home at 2 a.m. as opposed to being by yourself, or the fun of watching TV with another person."

Erika Brant (Northern Arizona University, ) remembers one lack-of-privacy issue in college life she had to get used to in a hurry: "The big adjustment was a community shower," she remembers. "It was weird having to wear flip-flops every time you showered and having to walk down a long hallway in a robe or towel, often past groups of people, just to get to the bathroom. Eventually, you just get used to it and before you know it, you don't even think about it."