Defiance in Third Graders

“I won’t do it!” Parenting techniques for handling defiant children.

What You Need To Know

The first thing to do when your third grader ignores or defies you is to identify the cause of their behavior.

• Biological. Is your child hungry? How much sleep did they get last night?
• Controlling parents. Inflexible caregivers who don’t respect children can sometimes push third graders over the edge.
• Permissive parents. Equally, parents who set no guidelines can make children feel anxious and can lead to disruptive behavior.
• Emotional. Has your third grader’s self-esteem taken a blow elsewhere?

How You Can Help

1. Calm under fire. Remaining stable will give you a good chance of resolving the problem. Losing your temper, or matching your third grader’s emotional fireworks, will probably end in tears. Tell your child that you’re ready to listen, but they need to say how they feel in a respectful way.
2. Use respect. When communicating either with your child or your partner, treat them with courtesy and respect. Name-calling and rudeness sets a low standard for your child to follow.
3. Expect respect. Parents who stand up for themselves, and don’t let others treat them disrespectfully, will set a firm example for their third graders.
4. Anger is okay. It’s normal to feel strong emotion – the key is to express it in a considerate way. “I’m extremely angry at the state of the garage. I’d like you to put all the tools back where you found them.” Encourage your third grader to put his or her feelings into words, but to communicate respectfully. The goal is to solve the problem, not to yell the loudest.

For more information on dealing with defiance and guiding your child to make good decisions, please see the full article:

http://www.education.com/reference/article/dealing-defiance-guiding-child-good/