Supporting the Development of Self-Esteem (continued)

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What Adults Can Say to Preschool Children Who Wish to Be Grown-Ups.  When preschool children insist that they can do what grown-ups do, adults can respond in such a way so that they do not extinguish the hope the children have about getting bigger. Sometimes, children can be so aggressive and provocative in their bids to be grown-ups that adults are pushed to make very unhelpful comments such as, "No, I am bigger than you and you cannot do that." or "You are not a grown-up. You are only a little girl and little girls do not get married." Just as adults need to help toddlers to develop a more realistic perspective on the subject of their omnipotence, so they also need to help preschoolers realize that they can be competent, strong, and mature without actually being adults. It is always useful to talk with children about how much they wish for something. For example, it is helpful to say, "I know you wish you could be a grown-up, and you are upset because you cannot always do what the grown-ups do." It is also helpful to give children some hope by saying, "Someday, you will be a grown-up and you will be very big." The child may respond, "But I am a grown-up." The best way to respond to such a comment is with something such as, "Yes, you do wish so much to be a grown-up that sometimes it seems that you already are." It is also helpful for adults to give children a perspective on how rapidly they are growing and changing. Adults can say things such as, "Not so long ago, you did not know how to climb on the climber and you needed mommy to push you on the swing. Now you can do those things all by yourself. That is really a sign that you are getting to be a bigger girl." They can also comment on their children's physical growth. "At one time, you weren't able to reach the sink without standing on the stool, and now you can. You are really growing." Adults can also encourage children to think about the world of grown-ups. They can say, "I wonder what you will like to do when you become a grown-up. I wonder what your children will be like." Comments such as this encourage children to value their own ideas and wishes. They also give children the opportunity to think and respond, which gives them some feeling of control; and children have the opportunity to think about their unique qualities and interests. Helping children to value their own ideas and wishes also builds on children's developing sense of themselves as individuals. When children respond to these questions, adults can have a deeper look into their inner worlds.

Conclusion

The development of self-esteem is a very important component of healthy development. Children are naturally motivated to move forward in their development. They need trusting relationships, appropriate limits and expectations, and the experience of being appreciated and accepted for their individual thoughts, feelings, and ideas in order to develop a positive sense of themselves. Adults need to constantly help children to develop appropriate expectations for themselves by engaging them in conversation about their ideas and wishes. Adults always need to acknowledge wishes and help children see that although they are not adults they are still able to be competent, strong, and mature in a way that is developmentally appropriate.