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SAT Essay Help: Sample Essay 2 (page 3)

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Score and Analysis

This essay received a 10, demonstrating reasonably consistent mastery.

  1. Developed a point of view supported by appropriate examples and evidence? Strong critical thinking is evident in the selection of the Edison and Picasso examples, and the link to the creativity that can result from anger, making anger a positive force. The essay uses heartbeat words (anger and positive) nine times in four paragraphs to show the link between each example and the assignment. Each example is supported with evidence, but notice that the Picasso paragraph is better developed. The Edison story (which begins with the two predetermined background sentences) states that his situation at school angered his mother, but doesn't explain why. The last two sentences are also unsupported statements. The Picasso example contains more pertinent and thorough details. It includes a number of themes, including his delay in choosing a subject, his previous belief that art should not be political, his reaction to the bombing, and his depiction of it in his painting.
  2. Wrote with a clear focus, transitioned smoothly from one point to the next? The heartbeat words and choice of examples demonstrate a clear focus on the assignment. The essay is also coherent—the examples are briefly mentioned in the introduction, and there is a clear link between them (both illustrate the creativity that can result from anger).
  3. Avoided errors in grammar, mechanics, and usage? The essay shows a facility in the use of language. It is nearly free of grammar, mechanics, and usage errors.
  4. Varied sentence structure? Simple, complex, long, and short sentences are used in the essay.
  5. Showed evidence of a varied and intelligent vocabulary? Words such as brutality, native, and expressive are evidence of an appropriate vocabulary.
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