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SAT Essay Help: Sample Essay 3 (page 2)

By LearningExpress Editors
LearningExpress, LLC

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Score and Analysis

This essay received an 8. It demonstrates adequate mastery, with some strengths and a few weaknesses.

  1. Developed a point of view supported by appropriate examples and evidence? Both examples support the thesis that sometimes anger can produce positive results. Notice that the writer remembered some background information for the first example and used an appropriate personal experience for his second example. However, neither example is well developed. There are not enough details or evidence to strongly support the position. There is too much telling and not enough showing.
  2. Wrote with a clear focus, transitioned smoothly from one point to the next? While the essay isn't well developed, it does repeat the heartbeat words often enough to demonstrate focus. The use of the transition word another lets the reader know that the writer is moving from the first to the second example; however the lack of indentation makes it unclear if a new paragraph is beginning (this also shortens the essay slightly).
  3. Avoided errors in grammar, mechanics, and usage? The essay shows an inconsistent use of language. It has some grammar, mechanics, and usage errors.
  4. Varied sentence structure? There is some variation in sentence structure.
  5. Showed evidence of a varied and intelligent vocabulary? The essay exhibits a generally appropriate vocabulary but does not display particularly thoughtful word choice.
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