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SAT Essay Help: Sample Essay 5 (page 3)

By LearningExpress Editors
LearningExpress, LLC

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Score and Analysis

This essay received an 8. It demonstrates adequate mastery, with some strengths and a few weaknesses.

  1. Developed a point of view supported by appropriate examples and evidence? Both examples provide strong support for the thesis that there is a serious downside to valuing an individual as a hero. The academic example uses some background information and a quote from the novel, but it lacks detail. The second paragraph is filled with unsupported statements such as there are many times in the novel when they could see the truth. Evidence is needed to develop these points fully. The third paragraph uses an appropriate example, but it also lacks detail. The fact that the truth came out (which is the point on which the paragraph rests) is not explained. The writer may have assumed that everyone knows this information, but on the SAT Essay, readers are looking for details and evidence—not unsupported statements.
  2. Wrote with a clear focus, transitioned smoothly from one point to the next? While the essay isn't well developed, it does repeat the heartbeat words often enough to demonstrate focus. Every paragraph is clearly linked, and the use of the transition word another lets the reader know that the writer is moving from the first to the second example.
  3. Avoided errors in grammar, mechanics, and usage? The essay shows an inconsistent use of language. It has some grammar, mechanics, and usage errors.
  4. Varied sentence structure? There is some variation in sentence structure.
  5. Showed evidence of a varied and intelligent vocabulary? The essay exhibits a generally appropriate vocabulary.

 

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