Families and Gifted Children

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If we were to care for our children, all of our children, in ways we already know are enriching, then we would abundantly increase the population of children who could actualize their potential to the degree we now designate as gifted. Giftedness may be more “normal” than the behaviors and abilities we now accept as typical. It is important to understand average developmental patterns of infants and children so that advanced and accelerated development can be noticed. It is also important to be aware of how to optimize learning for all young children because it is during this early period that giftedness is best nurtured.

Parenting for optimal development must include the health and living habits of the mother-to-be, even prior to conception. Researchers are finding clues to competent functioning in the prenatal, perinatal, and postnatal periods of human development. We must be aware of and use the sensitive and critical periods for development during the fetal period and the early years of life. The use of such periods for learning may make the difference between average and gifted performance. At the very least, we can use current information to guide our children toward becoming healthier, more intellectually able, more sensitive, and more motivated, self-directed learners. If the family of each child were to use what is now known about nurturing human bodies and minds, how very different our world would be.

Children may begin to show abilities ahead of their same-age playmates. For example, if a 3-year-old shows abilities typical of a 4- or 4 ½ -year-old or if a child of 4 shows abilities typical of a 5- or 6-year-old, the child may be considered gifted in those areas of ability because he or she is showing abilities that add ¼ to ½ of his or her actual age (Robinson, 1993). Early development of language skills, including reading, is perhaps the easiest to spot; however, advanced reasoning skills, a long attention span, and an unusual amount of imagination, curiosity, or risk taking could also be a sign of an accelerating neural system. Gifted children typically exhibit a high energy level, need less sleep, and engage in more complex activities at an earlier age. Time for both group activities and individual pursuits needs to be provided.

The family plays an important role in creating integrated growth. In the 1970s, Satir (1972) found that problem children often come from problem families, whereas healthy, open, highly functional, well-integrated children come from nurturing families. Although her work began with therapeutic counseling for problem families, she developed a framework to guide families who seek to develop family structures that can enhance the growth of each family member. In her ideal family, she finds that:

We have adults who clearly show their own uniqueness, who demonstrate their power, who clearly show their sexuality, who demonstrate their ability to share through understanding, kindness and affection, who use their common sense, who are realistic and responsible. (p. 228)

She believed such a family to be an open system. This is in opposition to a closed system, where self-worth is secondary to power and performance. In a closed system, rules are created and enforced by the boss (usually the father), who knows what is best for all, and change is resisted because it is believed that there is only one way to do things—the right way. Satir believed that human beings couldn’t flourish in a closed system; they may barely exist. We are concerned with more than just existing; we are discussing optimizing human potential to help children become self-actualizing.