The Family Council

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Our family organized a family council as an arena for solving family problems and exposing perceived inequities perpetrated by either parents or siblings. There we sought alternative solutions that could better meet the needs of all concerned. At first, we held a council meeting once a week, but later we found that calling council meetings on demand of any family member better served our needs. At the beginning, I often went to our meetings with a preplanned solution to a problem. My goal was to convince the others—my son, my daughter, and my husband—that I was right. This approach was not useful. I soon became aware that the others often had better solutions that were far easier to carry out because all felt committed to a plan they had helped design.

All kinds of problems came before our group, from my need for neat and tidy rooms, acknowledged to be unrealistic, to my daughter’s perceived harassment at the hands of an unaware older brother. Questions of allowance, homework, bedtime, house chores, teacher attitudes, and the comfort of visiting relatives all were handled with serious and cooperative planning. Through the years, the council served to lessen the frustration of the children, to increase the comfort level of all family members, and generally to provide us with excellent practice in developing our problem-solving skills, creative-thinking abilities, and feelings of caring. The family council became a meaningful way to communicate and share within the family. I highly recommend this strategy, especially for families who live with gifted children.

Establishing a Family Council

Steps:

• At first, for at least several months, set a day and time to hold the family council each week. Change the date only when absolutely necessary and be sure everyone is informed. Later, the Council can be held only on request.
• Every member of the family is a Council member and is expected to attend.
• Get the agreement of all members that the Council is a trust situation and anything discussed does not go beyond the Council; ask for individual agreement to those terms before each meeting.
• The position of Chair of the Council rotates each meeting.
• Each member is given a time to present and initiate a discussion of an issue of concern. A member may pass.
• Each member is given a time to be heard on each issue discussed. A member may pass.
• After everyone has had the opportunity to be heard and no further solutions are presented, the Chair should seek a solution by plurality vote (solution that receive the most support).
• The solution decided on will be in effect until the next Council meeting, at which time it can be reevaluated if requested. Members who are not present must abide by the solution decided on by the group present.
• Parents must be careful not to use the council to lecture, impose their solutions, or judge other member's solutions. Get the point across by modeling, suggesting, and posing alternatives.

Benefits:

• A family council provides a forum for righting wrongs, making people aware of how their behavior affects others, appropriately expressing needs, and building good skills of communication and decision-making.
• Provides a safe place for expressing feelings and helps children find appropriate ways to express their feelings, needs, and ideas.
• Strengthens self-concept and mutual respect of family members.
• Develops a sense of responsibility and empowerment in children.
• Create a commitment of family members to helping each other to find solutions to problems and raises the sensitivity of each to the others.
• Creates a sense of identity and belonging among family members.