Fourth Grade - The World Connection: Making Choices (page 3)

Making Choices About Their Problems or Conflicts

At times, parents need to offer choices for a different reason. Children this age experience conflicts and need to be aware of options available in problem solving. Problem solving involves choices.

When you and your child, or your child and siblings or peers, become involved in conflicts, the following may assist in working through the conflict.

Offering Choices

What - Offering choices presents children with at least two options and lets them decide what they will do.

Why - Decision making is a skill basic to self-esteem, problem solving and responsibility. Children need experience with many kinds of choices. Parents can carefully offer two alternatives that are acceptable to them.

Progression

1. Simple choices. These are either/or choices. "Do you want to wear your blue sweater or your jacket?" "Do you want to turn off the radio, or shall I turn it off?"

2. Multiple choices. "Do you want to wear your zip jeans, your button jeans or your new pants?" (Add more choices as your child is able to handle them.)

3. Ask for possible choices. "What have you considered wearing?"

Finding Choices

You can use either the logical or creative approach to finding alternatives.

Situation: Dawn and William each get one hour of TV time a day. They are quarreling over who gets to sit in the comfortable chair to watch television. Dawn: "You always sit there; it's my turn." William: "I was here first. So, it's my turn." They want you to decide.

Creative possibilities:

President – Make the rule that Dawn uses it on even days, William on odd days.

Magician – Make another chair. Aunt Em – Let the "loser" use the special rocking chair.

Neighbor – No TV until they find a solution.

Child guidance expert – Help the children solve the problem themselves.

Logical possibilities:

Both use – They both sit in the chair together or they alternate at commercials.

Find substitute – One child can use a stool.

Bargain – The child who sits in the chair will set the table for the next meal.

Get help – Get a parent to decide whose turn it is.

Make a rule – The person who is using his or her TV time gets the chair.

Distraction – Ask Mom to bake cookies with the other child's help.

Choose some ideas to try: Select the three or four ideas you think may work and offer them. In this example the children might choose to make a rule — the person who was using his or her TV time got the chair.

The parents' challenge with their fourth-grader's new interests is to set realistic expectations for the child. Such expectations need to be based on the child's developing interests and abilities. Age guidelines can help. Give the child an opportunity to try a variety of activities. Observe carefully. Can the child succeed? Does the child enjoy the task? Does the child need instruction and assistance? Is the activity frustrating and upsetting to the child? Can the child succeed with encouragement and a little help?

Becoming a keen observer of your child's ability is a good way to know how realistic your expectations are. Assisting your child in discovering her world connection is a challenge that can provide memorable times together.

(Adapted from Pick Up Your Socks, © 1990, Elizabeth Crary. Used with permission of Parenting Press, Inc., P .O. Box 75267, Seattle, WA 98125.)