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General Characteristics of the Adolescent (page 2)

By F.P. Hughes
Pearson Allyn Bacon Prentice Hall

The Redefinition of Friendship: A Need for Communication

Ask a nine-year-old child to tell you the name of her best friend and why the two of them are friends. She is likely to describe her friend in a somewhat concrete way. She will tell you, for example, what her friend looks like, how she dresses, where she lives, and other information about her friend's external characteristics. Ask a teenager the same question, and you are likely to hear a description filled with references to the other person's personality characteristics, such as attitudes, values, worries, interests, and beliefs (Berndt, 1982; Diaz & Berndt, 1982).

Developmental changes occur not only in the types of knowledge people have about their friends, but also in basic definitions of friendship, in the expectations one has of one's friends, and in the perceived obligations of friendship, with the general trend being a shift from external, action-oriented conceptions to those that are internal and communication oriented (Bigelow, 1977; Ryan & Smollar, 1978; Smollar & Youniss, 1982). As an illustration of this pattern, Volpe (1976) reported that a 10-year-old boy, asked how one develops a friendship, answered, "Friends are easy to make. All you have to do is go up to a guy, and ask him if he wants to play ball; then he's a friend. If he don't want to play ball, then he's not a friend, unless you decide to play something else" (in Smollar & Youniss, 1982, p. 283). In contrast, 12- and 13-year-olds usually referred to the importance of personal qualities rather than shared activities, and they stressed the importance of really getting to know somebody intimately, with particular emphasis on their interests, likes, and dislikes.

Adolescents, then, see a relationship as an opportunity to satisfy their need to communicate, and they seek levels of intimacy with their peers that children do not require. Mere playmates—people whose preferred recreational activities are the same as one's own—are no longer sufficient, and shared personality characteristics replace shared activities as the basis for friendship. It should not be surprising, therefore, that a major function of play during adolescence is to satisfy this need for intimacy. We shall see that although much of adolescent play is less structured than that of children and often consists of simply "hanging out," such play is no less important developmentally than the games of childhood.

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