Guiding Children Through Grief

Coping With Loss. How parents can guide children through grief. 

After the loss of a family member, neighbor, or friend, it’s important to consider that your child’s experience of grief may be very different to your own. 

1. Talk about it. Although attending a memorial service may be useful for your child, he or she will cope with loss at their own pace. Your child may want to talk about the subject on multiple occasions. When you do discuss the loss, explain things in a way that your child can understand. And be honest – you don’t want this to become the elephant in the room, the subject that no one talks about. 
2. Listen. Find a quiet place and give your child the opportunity to ask questions. Losing friends or family members can create complex emotions for everyone involved. If you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.”
3. Wait. Be patient with your child as he or she processes the loss. Expect some ups and downs in terms of mood. 
4. Keep your routines. Familiar schedules for sleeping, eating, and playing can help children maintain a structure to their days and feel more secure. Routines can remind an anxious child of what their day is normally like. 
5. Respond flexibly. First graders may not have the vocabulary to express themselves with spoken words. Encourage your child to draw pictures, for example, of a loved grandma. Or suggest a journal for private thoughts. 
6. Ask for help. First graders may not have the experience or the etiquette of funerals and memorials, but they can still contribute. Some children may feel more comfortable if they’re involved in the cleaning up, or laying out chairs and cutlery. Make sure you reward them afterwards. 
7. Reassure. All children need reassurance, but children who’ve just suffered a loss may need more frequent reassurance. A pat on the back, a question about their day, or telling them that you love them are all valuable. 

For more information on guidelines for families dealing with loss, please see the full article: