How Much Help Is Enough?

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It is not unusual for children to come home from school with homework and assignments to complete. Sometimes children may ask their parents for help because they do not understand the material or they are confused about what they are supposed to do. Other times they may not ask for help, but when parents question them about what they have to do it becomes apparent that some unsolicited help will assist children in completing their work.

The material reviewed in this chapter suggests that unsolicited help can have negative effects on students’ motivation. These effects can occur when the help conveys to children that the adults do not think they are capable enough to complete the work on their own. Most parents have encountered the situation of offering to help their children only to be rejected, often forcefully so!

At the same time, it is parents’ responsibility to ensure that their children keep up with their schoolwork and complete their assignments. From the stance of parental responsibility for children’s schooling, not offering to help might be seen as irresponsible. Thus, the goal is to offer help without conveying negative competence information. The following suggestions for parents may aid them to do this.

• Ask children to explain specifically what they do not understand.

  Most of the time children will understand much of the material; there may be only a few points that they do not understand. For example, on a mathematics assignment they may understand how to work most of the problems; there may be only a few that they do not know how to solve. Providing help on only a small subset of an assignment is not apt to convey negative ability information.

• Point out progress to children.

  As they work on an assignment and become more skillful, point out how well they are doing on it. The perception of progress by children will highlight to them their skills and build their self-efficacy.

• Make it clear why you are offering to help.

  Most children will understand it when their parents tell them that it is their responsibility to ensure that children receive proper schooling. You are asking if they need help because it is your job to make sure that they are learning in school. They will do the same thing for their own children someday.

• Set limits on how much help you will provide.

  Explain that schoolwork is their responsibility. As a parent it is not your job to do their work for them; rather, to make sure that they learn and can complete the work themselves. Thus, you will help them learn what to do but not do it for them.