How to Talk to Students About School Violence

Let Young Children Take the Lead

Peggy Carey of Committee for Children says very young children tend to be extremely concrete in their thinking. Helpful adults shouldn’t try to force an awareness of confusing events, but rather let kids take the lead. If they want to initiate a discussion or ask questions, honor that, Carey says. “And remember that if the grownups around them seem out-of-control or unable to cope, those actions can be profoundly disturbing, even without any words being said.”

Get Help from Parents

Preschool and kindergarten teachers can always enlist the support of mothers and fathers following traumatic incidents. “Sending a letter home can be a valuable way to open communications about how you can work together and keep the messages consistent.”

Parents may want to consider turning the television off during tumultuous periods, Carey says. “Literal young children don’t necessarily grasp that the clip of the plane flying into a building is a repeat. They may imagine these terrible things are happening over and over again.”

Routine—even favorite cartoons—can offer a haven to children while giving parents a time to speak freely with other adults. “The concept to stress is, ‘It is our job to protect you, and we will do everything we can to keep you safe,’” Carey says. Sleeplessness or fear of school are signs kids are having trouble processing traumatic information, and may need help moving forward. “Parents and teachers can really support each other by offering insights into new behavioral changes or patterns.”

Try to See it From Their Perspective

Even in the case of second- and third-graders, it’s important to respect a child’s degree of interest, Claudia Glaze observes. “While older kids can absorb greater levels of detail, it is still up to them to introduce the subject and set the tone.” Glaze is a former teacher who now serves as Director of Client Relations at Committee for Children.

“We want to let children express their feelings about the event. What questions do they have about the possible effects?” Adult concerns may be radically different from the ones voiced by their children, and it is important to recognize the child’s perspective, Glaze believes. “A child may be anxious about their parent’s whereabouts. Will my mother be able to find me if something awful happens?”

Empathy Skills Can Help

The SECOND STEP program offers a great structure from which to shape discussions about tragic events, Glaze continues. “Children who have been using SECOND STEP have learned to identify their own feelings and extend those perceptions to others. It is a good transfer-of-learning activity for them to discuss how they or other people might be thinking and reacting.”

If the class has suggestions or contributions following a crisis, the teacher can usually mold these into lessons, Glaze explains. “Whether it’s a poster, a donation, a card, or some other constructive project, the children see how to identify empathy, and communicate the emotion to someone else.”

Review Safety Guidelines

Teachers and parents should both clarify that violent crimes in schools remain exceedingly rare. “It is a valuable lesson for older children to discuss how the media depicts catastrophic events and what these kinds of portrayals mean,” Glaze says. “For the sake of balance, be sure to show examples of how parents and teachers are developing and following safety guidelines in the school.”

It’s beneficial to walk through these guidelines with children, Glaze says. “What should they do if they see someone they don’t know in the hallway—someone who doesn’t have a badge? What actions should they take?”

Both Carey and Glaze stress that parents remain the primary models and inspiration sources in their children’s lives. “We share the same goals for the students’ future. By duplicating a caring community at school—hopefully one similar to the child’s environment at home—we increase the chances they’ll grow into compassionate adults.”