How to Talk to Teens About Traumatic Events

Be prepared for your teen to express a variety of thoughts, opinions, and feelings of anger, vulnerability, and fear. In times of loss, teens, just like others, have feelings of anger and fear and may become withdrawn. This is normal, so be patient and respectful of their views and concerns. An extra word of support or physical affection can help at these times. Monitor behavior over time; ongoing distress may signal a problem that requires professional attention. Be aware of any changes in their sleep or eating habits that might suggest they are overly frightened or worried. In the case of war, teenagers are most likely to be concerned about the effects on people they know, and about what the war means for their future. Traumatic events provide an opportunity to talk to your teen about your beliefs and values and about the many ways that individuals can, in small and big ways, contribute to making the world a safer place.

Keep routines and rules as normal as possible for your teen. Prioritize study time and time for relaxation. Caution your teen about reckless or risk-taking behaviors that may be a response to stress or uncertainty. Check with the school to see what resources they have available for your teen.

Act as a model for your teen. Show respect for differing views and avoid intense disagreements. Acknowledge that in a democracy, such as in the U.S., people can have strong and differing opinions about responses to terrorism, war, and natural disasters.

Stay connected to your teens. Plan meals together and other family activities. Be supportive of extracurricular interests by attending your teens' special events. A little extra support may go a long way to help teenagers feel more secure and safe. Be sure to tell teens they are loved.

At home, calmly revisit emergency plans and preparation (similar to what you do with fire and weather plans). Talking with teens about what to do can help them feel secure that parents have situations under control. Parents should develop back-up plans with relatives or friends to help with separation and reunification. Encourage your teen to help you with this. Your teen can help with food and water storage and location, plans for pets, and plans for young children or elderly members of the family.

Discuss your teen's school emergency plan. Parents should be aware of, and discuss with their teenager, plans that the school has set in place for crisis or emergency situations. Parents should also take the time to review emergency plans for when they are at work.

Take constructive steps to reach out or strengthen existing connections to your community. Many families will want to reinforce their family and community supports during this time. This can help not only the teen but also the entire family.

Encourage teenagers to create their own future by continuing to succeed in school, by making healthy choices, by looking out for one another and by engaging in community service.

Reference:

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN).