Impact of Disabilities on Siblings

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Even in the most functional and healthy family, there are emotional overlays for siblings. However, siblings of children with disabilities tend to react in unique ways related to the special dynamics created in the family around the child's disability. The range of emotional feelings is similar to that reported for parents (Mcloughlin, 1993), but is different because of the reasons and sources of the feelings. Also, siblings are very dependent upon the parents to determine how the feelings and reactions will be dealt with and resolved.

Positive Reactions

There have been many reports of positive and negative outcomes to being raised with a child who has a disability. Grossman's (1972) interviews and more recent ones (Vine, 1982) provide testimony that siblings develop greater empathy and understanding for people with disabilities. They become more tolerant and patient with others and learn how to be helpful to others. Siblings become more mature and responsible as well as develop pride in their brother's or sister's accomplishments (Powell & Ogle, 1985). That pride has to be related to the obvious contribution they make to the cognitive and social development of the child who has a disability through their play, caretaking, reinforcement, and general communication and interaction. As a younger sister of a person with cerebral palsy said:

I have a different outlook on life than many other people my age. I understand that you can't take anything for granted. And you have to be able to look at the positives, where the balance falls. With Jennifer; there are negatives, but there's so much more that's good.

I'm very involved now with activities for persons with mental retardation. Sometimes I get upset at some of the nonhandicapped people who work with me and seem to be involved as some kind of an ego trip ... like, 'Look at me and what a nice person I am for helping out these poor helpless people.' I feel like I understand so much more about persons with handicaps and how they feel trying to overcome so many frustrations. We're proud of what Jennifer can do. (PACER Center; 1987, p. 19)

Negative Reactions

Without well informed parents and a functional family, siblings run the risk of dealing with their natural feelings in an unhealthy fashion. As a result they may develop inappropriate behaviors and long-lasting emotional problems related to the experience. Some siblings have reported the need for counseling in later life to deal with issues related to having a brother or sister who has a disability (Cleveland & Miller, 1977; Vine, 1982).

Siblings may feel a myriad of feelings including resentment, jealousy, guilt, grief, fear, shame, embarrassment, and rejection. None of these feelings are bad but they may arise from a misunderstanding of the situation and a misinterpretation of parental behavior. However, all too often, parents do not assist siblings in dealing with these feelings nor help resolve them satisfactorily.

The resentment and jealousy stems from the extra attention parents and others give the child who has a disability. This translates into less quality time with their parents, a reality faced by this parent: