Job Interviews Are Reality Shows: Why "Be Yourself" Can Be Poor Advice

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A scene in the movie Children of a Lesser God reveals a speech teacher (William Hurt) and a deaf janitor (Marlee Matlin) duking it out in a jolting battle of wits. In a climactic verbal battle, the janitor signs to the speech teacher, "Let me be me," to which the speech teacher replies, "Well, who the hell are you?" There is no answer.

The troubled janitor isn't the only one who has trouble with that question. The bromide — "Be yourself" — is very difficult to articulate with consistency. Be yourself? Which self? Who is the real you? Our roles change at various times.

Your role: Job seeker

Jerry is a father, an engineer, a marathon runner, a public speaker, a law student at night, and a writer of professional papers. Will the real Jerry please stand up?

Jennifer is a loving daughter, the best salesperson in her company, a pilot, a tennis player, and a football fan. Will the real Jennifer please stand up?

Jerry or Jennifer could duck the which-self question by asserting unchangeable inborn traits: I am the same as my feelings. If I suppress or alter my urges I am being untrue to myself. I am not being authentic.

Wrong! Shuck the superficial thinking. If you enjoy improving yourself, isn't that a form of "being yourself"? Remember too that each of us has all kinds of urges, some of which are lofty and admirable while others are base and unattractive.

Don't make the mistake of pretending you're stuck with one identity — that's not who you are. Who you are at this particular time is a person playing the role of job seeker. The stranger across an interviewing desk is playing the role of interviewer. Playing the role most appropriate to you at a given time, and playing it effectively enough to get you the job you deserve, isn't dishonest. To do less courts unemployment — or underemployment.

When you give a ShowStopping interview performance, you aren't being phony. You're simply standing back from the situation and looking at it with dispassionate eyes, seeing which type of information and behavior is likely to result in a job offer and which is likely to leave you out in the cold. You can't do so if you are too busy staying true to your most easily assumed self-identity.

Outtake: Forget about being "natural"

What about being natural? Isn't natural better than artificial? Not always. Is combed hair natural? Shaved legs? Trimmed beard? Polished shoes? How about covering a cough in public? Or not scratching where you itch?

Being natural in a job interview is fine as long as you don't use your desire to be natural as an excuse to display or blurt out negative characteristics. Never treat a job interview as a confessional in which you're charged with disclosing imperfections and indiscretions that don't relate to your future job performance.

Nor should you treat a job interview as social dialogue in which you share cultural, sociological, political, sexual, or other viewpoints. Don't download your personal beliefs on interviewers in the name of "being yourself" or "being natural" — or, for that matter, "being honest."

Society cannot survive totally natural behavior. Neither can your unrefined behavior survive at job interviews. To really know someone in a brief encounter of 15, 30, or 60 minutes is simply impossible — even when you repeat that encounter multiple times. How can you compress a lifetime into 15 to 60 minutes? You can't, unless you present your biography with the same 30-seconds-per-story speed that television news uses to cover the state of the world.

Instead of real life, each participant in an interview sees what the other participant(s) wants seen. If you doubt that, think back: How long did you need to really get to know your roommate, spouse, or significant other? If you insist on being natural, an employer may pass you over because of your unkempt beard, unshined shoes, or because you don't feel like smiling that day.

The price for ignoring self-improvement is too high. All the things you've done to date — your identification of your competencies and skills, your job-lead management, your resume, your cover letter — are pointless if you fail to deliver a job interview that delivers a job offer.