Negativity and Exploration as Signs of Developing Autonomy

Negativity and Exploration as Signs of Developing Autonomy
photo by: Caitlinator
By J. Gonzalez-Mena
Pearson Allyn Bacon Prentice Hall

Negativity

The first sign of the developing autonomy is when the darling baby who happily opened his mouth for each bite of cereal or strained vegetables suddenly one day clamps his lips shut and turns aside. His meaning is clear. Without a word spoken, this is the beginning of “No!”

The theory says that the child can now begin to see himself as an individual separate from his mother or other object of attachment. He finds power in his difference—he’s not the same person as this adult in his life. He finds power, and he uses it.

This is only the beginning. By 2 years of age, this child is likely to be contrary about everything. If his mother likes peas, he hates them. If his father wants to take him for a ride, he balks. He refuses to get into the bathtub, and when he is finally coaxed in, he refuses to get out again. Life becomes a struggle because he is so busy asserting his individuality.

Sometimes toddlers say “no” so much because they hear the word all the time. If parents or caregivers use the word no as the primary means of managing behavior, the first no’s of their children may be imitations of adults.

However, even if adults use a variety of means of guiding behavior and minimize the number of no’s in their child’s life, toddlers still learn to say that magic word.

It’s important to realize that learning to say no is a vital skill. What would your life be like if you never said no to anything? Do you remember the temptations of your teen years? Do you wish you had learned to say a good strong “No!” earlier? What are your temptations now? Do you find saying no a useful skill in your life today? How much do you remember about your own toddler years? Did the adults who were in your life regard your no’s as skill building, or as defiance of their authority? Their perception of you then may influence your perception of children in the toddler stage now.

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