Negativity and Exploration as Signs of Developing Autonomy

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Negativity

The first sign of the developing autonomy is when the darling baby who happily opened his mouth for each bite of cereal or strained vegetables suddenly one day clamps his lips shut and turns aside. His meaning is clear. Without a word spoken, this is the beginning of “No!”

The theory says that the child can now begin to see himself as an individual separate from his mother or other object of attachment. He finds power in his difference—he’s not the same person as this adult in his life. He finds power, and he uses it.

This is only the beginning. By 2 years of age, this child is likely to be contrary about everything. If his mother likes peas, he hates them. If his father wants to take him for a ride, he balks. He refuses to get into the bathtub, and when he is finally coaxed in, he refuses to get out again. Life becomes a struggle because he is so busy asserting his individuality.

Sometimes toddlers say “no” so much because they hear the word all the time. If parents or caregivers use the word no as the primary means of managing behavior, the first no’s of their children may be imitations of adults.

However, even if adults use a variety of means of guiding behavior and minimize the number of no’s in their child’s life, toddlers still learn to say that magic word.

It’s important to realize that learning to say no is a vital skill. What would your life be like if you never said no to anything? Do you remember the temptations of your teen years? Do you wish you had learned to say a good strong “No!” earlier? What are your temptations now? Do you find saying no a useful skill in your life today? How much do you remember about your own toddler years? Did the adults who were in your life regard your no’s as skill building, or as defiance of their authority? Their perception of you then may influence your perception of children in the toddler stage now.

Exploration

Exploration starts in infancy, grows out of attachment, and increases as children move toward autonomy. It may seem ironic that a child who is firmly attached explores more than one who is not. But it makes sense if you think of the attachment as providing a secure base to move out from. In fact, you can even see this phenomenon in action by watching a parent and a young child who are in a strange environment. The child will move out from the parent but will check back regularly. Sometimes it’s just a glance; other times she runs back to the parent and clings for a moment before venturing out again.

The other factor in exploration is the freedom to move that the child is given in infancy. The research of Dr. Emmi Pikler indicates that babies who develop their movement skills independent of adults learn that they are capable individuals. Their trust in their own skills make them remarkable explorers (David & Appell, 2001; Gonzalez-Mena, 2004; Pikler, 1971, 1973; Pikler & Tardos, 1968). Babies in the Pikler Institute, a residential nursery in Budapest, are put on their backs where they have the most freedom to use their bodies. They are free of restrictive devices like infant seats, swings, even high chairs. No one puts the babies into positions they can’t get into by themselves. Adults don’t sit them up, stand them up, or walk them around. As they grow, these babies show an amazing sense of physical security. This same approach is also used by the staff at the Resources for Infant Educarers in Los Angeles, California. Founded by Magda Gerber and known as RIE, the program follows the teachings of Emmi Pikler, who was the teacher of Gerber (Gerber, 1979).