Parenting Children With Special Needs (continued)

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Generally, many parents experience a process in adjusting to having a child with special needs by which they attain acceptance of the situation although others may experience ambivalence and even rejection of the child. For many, it is difficult to overcome the tendency to personalize this unfortunate circumstance. In some respects, mothers may react differently from fathers when it becomes known that their child is exceptionally different from others.

Parental attitudes about an exceptional child and the circumstances involved in having this child as a family member influence the nature and quality of caregiving (Ripley, 2003). Mothers tend to become the family member assuming the greatest amount of caretaking and nurturing for a child with special needs. However, because fathers and other male family members are expected to be more actively involved in child care today, it is not unusual to see levels of family stress diminish and come more under control when this occurs.

The siblings of a child with special needs are also affected by the child’s presence (Meyer, 2003). It is possible to observe the interrelatedness concept found in family systems theory. Having a sibling with special needs brings some benefits to other children such as learning empathic skills, gaining in tolerance and compassion for those who are seriously different from others, and developing a greater appreciation of personal health status. On the other hand, siblings often report negative effects such as feelings of jealousy because of lack of parental attention, resenting the affected sibling’s presence in the family, or shamefulness and guilt about the affected sibling. Parents should be mindful of the possibilities of these negative reactions. In addition, girls often complain that brothers aren’t expected to assume surrogate parent or caregiver roles to a similar extent. By equalizing these responsibilities between male and female siblings, the psychological risks—to girls, especially—may be minimized.

Cultural backgrounds of families also influence their reactions to an exceptional child. Cultural beliefs color differences in what it means to have a child with special needs as a family member. For example, in an Anglo-European family, a child’s disabilities are described and understood in medical and scientific terms; in Native American Indian families, the child’s disability is placed on spiritual intrusion or the breaking of cultural taboos. Other cultures may attribute the situation to bad luck, an evil influence on a family, or punishment for ancestral sins (Rigazio-DiGilio & Cramer-Benjamin, 2000).

Chronic stress is one of the most frequently observed family reactions to having a child with special needs (Krauss, 2000). Family members can learn healthy coping strategies such as attending support groups, journaling, participating in individual and family therapy, tapping into spiritual resources, and sharing caretaking responsibilities, for example. Networking with other families experiencing similar circumstances is also a helpful source of coping with stress. Unhealthy coping also may manifest in some families when the child with exceptional needs is scapegoated, abused, and emotionally mistreated.

Supports for Families with Exceptional Children

Families with a child with special needs tend to be smaller than average in size and to have lower incomes than the general population (U. S. Bureau of the Census, 2003). Because of their unique circumstances, these families typically make use of more community services and resources in gaining assistance for their child. Several sources provide infrastructural support for these families.

Federal Legislation.

Federal legislation has helped to address the needs of exceptional children and their families. Public Law 94–142, first enacted in 1975, is based on two assumptions: (1) that all children with special needs have a rightful and appropriate place in the public school system, and (2) that all parents have an important role in the education of their children with special needs. Essentially, the law gives parents the right to monitor and judge the appropriateness of the educational experiences their children with special needs receive. The law provides for appointing a surrogate parent for children who are without parents and for funding for special education programs. The law requires that each child with special needs enrolled in public school systems be provided with an individualized educational program (IEP) developed by an education specialist working in conjunction with the child’s parent(s). An IEP must be written, tailored to meet the child’s specific needs, and signed by the child’s parent(s). It must include a statement of present level of educational performance at the time of initial implementation, a list of goals and objectives, and specific educational services and support to be provided. It must also include plans for the child’s participation in the classroom, length of institutionalization (if applicable), and the way goals and objectives will be evaluated at the completion of the plan. Although IEPs are controversial, their value may be shown by the attention now given to meeting the needs of children and their parents along with the more intense involvement of parents in children’s educational experiences.