Smart Parenting During and After Divorce: Visitation Tantrums
Children throw temper tantrums over visitation for a number of reasons, so it is unwise to assume that the "real reason" is because he is not well taken care of at the other parent's home.
Reasons Children Don't Want to Visit
Some of the reasons children give for not wanting to visit with the other parent include the following:
- "It's boring."
- "I don't like the other people there."
- "I am afraid to sleep over."
- "I am left with a babysitter while Mom [Dad] goes out."
- "I don't like the food."
- "I get hit when I am there."
- "Dad [Mom] likes [somebody else] more than they like me."
There may be other reasons, but these statements cover most of them. When a child's protests are exaggerated and seemingly just whining, the issue usually boils down to these reasons:
- I don't want to leave my main house, which is comfortable and has all my stuff in it.
- I am not getting enough attention, and I don't like sharing attention.
When the protests are not exaggerated there may be a true cause for concern because the child may be saying she is being neglected, ignored, or abused.
Children rarely refuse visitation when they are given lots of prompting and advance preparation. Prepare the children well in advance by speaking positively about it.
Attending to Your Child's Concerns
To properly attend to your child's concerns, speak with her in a neutral way, and try not to make any assumptions. Ask your child to tell you what a typical visit is like. If your child complains of being hit or spanked, ask him to tell you a story from the beginning of what was happening before the spanking to what happened after the spanking. Be aware that children will often exaggerate the negatives of what happens when with the visiting parent, especially if negatives are what seem to get the most attention from you. (A parent's getting excited and hysterical can be very rewarding for children because it teaches them how important they are when they are giving bad news about the other parent.)
Add your own comment
Today on Education.com
WORKBOOKSMay Workbooks are Here!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT ROUND-UP OF ACTIVITIES PERFECT FOR LONG WEEKENDS, STAYCATIONS, VACATIONS ... OR JUST SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED FUN!Get Outside! 10 Playful Activities
- Kindergarten Sight Words List
- The Five Warning Signs of Asperger's Syndrome
- What Makes a School Effective?
- Child Development Theories
- Why is Play Important? Social and Emotional Development, Physical Development, Creative Development
- 10 Fun Activities for Children with Autism
- Test Problems: Seven Reasons Why Standardized Tests Are Not Working
- Bullying in Schools
- A Teacher's Guide to Differentiating Instruction
- First Grade Sight Words List