Unlike other exceptionalities that reflect some aspect of disability, giftedness is not generally considered to be a disability but rather a welcome exceptionality. Children are identified as gifted when they have demonstrated exceptional abiliities and/or have shown themselves to be capable of high academic performance. In comparison to the past, when high scores on intelligence tests were the measure of giftedness, today giftedness is viewed as representing a number of abilities. Thus, children identified as gifted these days demonstrate higher than average performance in such areas as general intellectual ability, specific academic aptitude, creative thinking, leadership ability, and talent in visual and performing arts (Chan, 2002). Not only is giftedness generally welcomed, there is evidence that parents might play an important role in the promotion of giftedness in their children. In numerous studies, the families of children who have been identified as gifted have been found to have certain characteristics in common. By and large, the profile of "gifted families" epitomizes the self-actualizing family system. In families wherein at least one child participates in a gifted education program, the following family interactions have been documented: (a) mutually supportive relationships, (b) appropriate degrees of closeness, (c) flexibility, and (d) open expression of thoughts and feelings. Parental perceptions of their child as gifted (whether or not the child has been formally identified) also has been found to be associated with positive labeling of the child, taking pride in the child's accomplishments, better parent-child communication patterns, and more intimacy in the parent-child relationship (Moon & Hall, 1998).
The Challenges of Parenting a Child Who Is Gifted
Having a child who is gifted is typically a source of pride for parents but the presence of a gifted child sometimes has a negative impact on family relations. First, making the child who is gifted the focus of parental attention can lead to inappropriate comparisons between that child and the other children in the family. Second, because highly intelligent children often demonstrate advanced reasoning abilities, parents might find themselves treating their children who are gifted as more mature than these children actually are. When this happens, role distinctions between children and adults become blurred and an imbalance of power is likely to occur in the family. In this situation, parents relinquish control of family interactions in the direction of the child's ideas and decisions (Moon & Hall, 1998). Discovering that their child is gifted also sometimes contributes to parents experiencing an exaggerated sense of responsibility to "do right by" their child. The exaggerated sense of responsibility on the part of these parents includes fears regarding their adequacy to raise the child or feelings of guilt that they are neglecting their child's development. To the degree that parents experience feelings of inadequacy in meeting the developmental needs of their children who are gifted, family interactions might be adversely affected. To compensate for their feelings of inadequacy, parents sometimes place excessive performance demands on themselves as well as on their children. This approach to parenting a child who is gifted not only negatively affects the child but also contributes to psychological problems for the entire family.
Recommendations for Parents
In recognition that early life experiences can powerfully influence children's early attitudes toward learning and later educational achievement, Sankar-DeLeeuw (2007) conducted a case study of the lives of five gifted kindergarten children. In this study, parents provided specific guidelines regarding the rearing of their young-gifted children. In general, these parents saw their parental role as facilitators of their children's growth. They expressed the belief that they should provide stimulating intellectual experiences appropriate for their children's developmental level. They also saw themselves as advocates for, and personally involved with, the education of their children. Listed below are the guidelines collectively produced by these parents, which according to Sankar-DeLeeuw are applicable to parents of all children.
- Discover, not charter, your child's identity.
- Listen to your child's own thoughts, feelings, joys, sorrows, hopes, and fears.
- Encourage responsibility by offering choice.
- Allow your child to independently do things, without assistance.
- Support friendships.
- Be patient.
- Be a good role model (including providing for rich language expression and life-long learning.)
- Read, both to your child and also on your own.
- Discuss and debate daily news, songs, and books.
- Mediate television viewing (p. 98).
In addition to generating guidelines for rearing their children, the parents in the Sankar-DeLeeuw study provided a variety of reading material to their children, including picture books, songs, poetry, fiction, fantasy, folktales, jokes, magazines, nonfiction, fables, and newspapers. Additionally, some of the parents read materials with their children that their children could read independently. While reading to their children, these parents compared story content to their children's own knowledge with questions such as "Does it make sense?" Additionally, they focused on reading for meaning versus identifying letters or words.
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Excerpt from Parent-Child Relations: Context, Research, and Application, by P. Heath, 2009 edition, p. 302-303.
© ______ 2009, Merrill, an imprint of Pearson Education Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. The reproduction, duplication, or distribution of this material by any means including but not limited to email and blogs is strictly prohibited without the explicit permission of the publisher.
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