Parenting School-Age Children

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How Does Parenting Change?

The nature and style of parenting change when children reach the school-age years. The major source that motivates these changes is the different nature of a school-age child. The developmental tasks and milestones school-age children experience are entirely different from those experienced by preschoolers. They are more complex than those of infancy and early childhood and are more social and psychological than physical in nature. However, physical skills acquired in this period play a significant role in shaping children’s self-concepts.

Parenting children in middle childhood, as in earlier stages, focuses on helping them accomplish their essential developmental tasks and milestones. Parents learn that they must respond to, or interact with, a school-age child differently than they did when the child was younger. Methods and parenting styles that were effective with preschoolers lose a high degree of effectiveness with school-age children. Children have new accomplishments and emerging abilities during middle childhood, and they may not permit parents to continue a response style or interaction pattern that was appropriate when they were younger. Parents essentially learn that they must now become psychological rather than physical helpers for their school-age children.

Parents begin training children for increased self-control in early childhood. This previous training results in a greater sharing of social power between parents and children during their school-age years. This sharing results in coregulation as a predominant parenting style. Parents of school-age children exercise general supervision while children gain in moment-to-moment self-regulation (Maccoby, 1984), and parents tend to exercise their power more typically when children misbehave in their presence.

Parents increasingly use psychological methods as a means for helping children achieve a higher level of self-control. These methods often consist of reassuring children, helping them to recover from social blunders, and giving positive reinforcement for efforts to learn new skills. School-age children continue to need their parents but in ways that are very different from preschoolers.

The expectations parents hold for school-age children change, which also reflects the shift to coregulation. For example, parents of school-age children expect that they will: (1) gain more refined social skills that reflect an increasing ability to cooperate with adults and other children; (2) show more sophisticated information processing skills that are reflected in school work; and (3) be able to begin assignments and tasks without being directed by an adult and complete them to a level of competence and satisfaction determined by an adult.

Meeting the Needs of School-Age Children Promoting Healthy Nutrition.

We are more aware today than in the past that the typical American diet is based on large amounts of saturated animal fat, high calories, and use of refined ingredients such as sugar and flour. This dietary lifestyle is associated with the high levels of coronary heart disease, hypertension and strokes, diabetes, and some cancers found in adulthood. Some evidence points to the beginnings of these conditions in middle childhood when children eat this type of diet (Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 2002). Of major concern is the increasingly high incidence of Type II diabetes among school-age children, obesity, and even under-nutrition. Several factors complicate this situation: (1) many school-age children do not have adequate physical activity and exercise daily; (2) many eat unhealthy lunches; (3) many eat snacks that consist of “empty” calories; and (4) many arrive at school without having eaten breakfast.

Helping school-age children develop healthy eating habits and food preferences can be challenging for parents and other adults. Perhaps the best approach is to have healthy foods in the family’s diet and adults modeling good eating habits for children. School-age children may not be immediately attracted to or satisfied by eating the proper kinds of vegetables and fruits without adult supervision and encouragement. By simply preparing meals at home that include these kinds of foods, parents help children learn these habits without being admonished that healthy foods are “good for you.” Adults often mistakenly indicate that such foods aren’t tasty, but “you have to eat them anyway.” Or they attempt to develop good eating habits by bribing children (e.g., “eat your spinach so you can have dessert”). When parents stock up on and serve healthy foods, they help children avoid empty calories. Many parents resist pressure from children to purchase soda pop, potato chips, and sugary breakfast cereals.

Providing Structure and Nurturance.

Parents and other adults who work with school-age children recognize the value of children’s experiences in earlier stages, which assist them in learning about structure. During middle childhood, adult caregivers are interested in helping children acquire even more refined abilities, as children are expected to become more skilled at internalizing their own structure. An appreciation for rules is a basic part of experiences that help school-age children internalize or become more self-directed.