Problems in Relationships (page 2)

Teasing

Teasing is generally defined as persistent behavior intended to irritate, provoke, confuse, or otherwise annoy someone (Katz and McClellan, 1997). However, not all teasing is harmful. Some teasing can be fun and even the target of the teasing can laugh. This kind of teasing is often reciprocal. Our concern is over the harmful teasing that occurs, causing the person being teased to feel hurt, sad, humiliated, or angry. Some young children who are teased learn effective social skills that will help them in dealing with teasing later in life (Ross, 1996).

Reasons for Teasing

Children tease for a number of reasons.

• Attention. Children want attention even if it is negative.
• Imitation. These children may mimic teasing that they see around the house, in the schoolyard, or they may be victims of teasing by older siblings. Their parents may also use aggressive discipline.
• Feelings of superiority or power. They may feel superior or powerful when putting someone down (Olweus, 1993)
• Peer acceptance. They may feel teasing is cool and may help them to be accepted by the popular children.
• Misunderstanding differences. Some children target anyone who is different rather than trying to understand them. This could have to do with physical, emotional, learning, cultural, or ethnic differences.
• Media influences. Children experience teasing, putdowns, sarcasm, and a lack of respect on many children's television programs (Freedman, 1999).

How Parents and Teachers Can Help

Parents should listen to their child and try to see the situation from the child's eyes. Show concern rather than an overreaction so as not to escalate the child's fear or anger. Teasing cannot be prevented and children cannot control what others say to them, but they can control their reactions and become less vulnerable.

Some strategies to teach children are:

• Self-talk. Encourage children to plan what they can think about or say to themselves to remain calm when they are being teased (Bloch, 1993).
• Ignore. Help the victim to avoid reinforcing the teaser by getting angry, crying, or showing any reactions of concern. Tell the child not to look at the teaser in the face and walk away if feasible. However, if a pattern of teasing is well developed, ignoring the behavior may not help initially.
• Visualization. Help children visualize a way to prevent the words from getting to them. What kind of a protective shield could they imagine to be encompassing them? Help children have the power to ignore the message, at least outwardly.
• Agree with the fads. Have the child say to the teaser, "You're right" or "That was a stupid thing for me to say" to take the wind out of the teaser's sails. This may be one of the easiest ways to diffuse the comment (Cohen-Passey, 1995).
• The child could say, "So?" The child is telling the teaser that it does not matter or that he or she could care less. Bill Cosby, in The Meanest Thing, uses this concept.

When or How a Teacher Should Intervene

The intent of teasing and its effects vary. Teachers must look at the setting in which the teasing is taking place, the relationship between teaser and the teased, whether or not there is reciprocal teasing, and the tone or intention. Does the teasing occur in front of a group of children rather than in play with a friend? Does the teasing have a hostile tone with an apparent intention to inflict psychological pain? Are there overtones of racism, sexism, or any stereotyping (Katz, 1997)?

Teachers can intervene in many ways. When teachers assess the setting, such as the playground, they may find that there are not enough interesting activities available, or the supervision may be poor, or the area may be too crowded. If the teasing involves any kind of stereotype, this is an opportunity for a discussion or antibias activities in the classroom. The recipient of the teasing might be helped t, react in ways to defuse the situation.