Second Grade: Supporting Your Child and Their Behavior (page 2)

Reward Them Now

Parents can easily make the mistake of offering long-range rewards to young children. It does not work to offer Tom, a second-grader, a new bike for his birthday in November if he'll keep his room straight in July. Children do not have the mental capacity or maturity to hold a long-range goal in mind day after day. Time moves slowly for them, so the reward seems impossible to reach and uninteresting.

How To Encourage Your Child

Send the right message. Encourage effort rather than demand results.

If you reward your child only for completed tasks well done, your child may interpret your message as, "To be worthwhile, you must meet my standards." The result may be that she will develop unrealistic standards and learn to measure worth only by how closely she approaches perfection.

If you focus only on personal gain for your child, he may believe you're saying, "You're the best - and you must remain superior to others to be worthwhile." The result may be that your child will learn to be overcompetitive, to get ahead at the expense of others, to feel worthwhile only when he is No. 1.

If you recognize your child's efforts and improvement, the message he will get is, "You don't have to be perfect. Effort and improvement are important." The likely result is that he will learn to appreciate the efforts of himself and others and be more willing to try again.

Keep It Positive

Children need encouragement and approval. One way to be positive about guidance is to tell the child what behavior you want rather than what you do not want. Instead of saying, "Don't leave your school books on the couch," try saying, "I want you to pick up your school books and put them on the shelf." By phrasing your expectations in a positive way, you avoid challenging the child.

Another way of offering positive guidance is to let the child choose to do something rather than telling the child not to do something. Instead of saying, "You can't go out without a coat," try asking, "Do you want to wear your coat or your sweater?" This gives the child a sense of control. Of course, the child may say, "Neither," in which case you can explain why the coat or sweater is needed. You set a limit, communicate it clearly and avoid being negative.

When problems occur, ask yourself what the underlying causes for the misbehavior might be. (See chart.)

Reminders

• Recognize improvements and efforts, not just accomplishments. For example, improvements in spelling or subtraction.
• Don't wait; say it right away. Children need immediate recognition. If you wait, the child may forget what you are recognizing him for.
• Follow through.
• Be sincere and specific.
• Avoid tacking qualifiers to your words of encouragement. Statements such as, "You did a good job, but..." will be discouraging. Don't give with one hand and take away with the other.