Sixth Grade: Choices and Stress

Children and Stress

Adults often reflect on their childhoods as the "good old days" when worries were few. Try to remember every aspect of your childhood. No doubt you can recall several stressful periods in your life or your family life.

As your child works to build skills and friendships, he will experience stress in many situations. When you pass his concerns off as unimportant, you send a message that his needs are not important. Recognize and affirm your child's concerns. A few minutes of discussion is often all that is needed.

Stress is very real to children, although they often are unaware of what to do with all these concerns and thoughts. They need help managing the overload in their own ways. Avoid comparing how children respond to stress. Guide them toward understanding what is happening to them and how to manage their feelings and concerns.

Symptoms of stress are often noticed in extreme behavior changes. For example, your child may become very restless, irritable and unable to concentrate, or she may become very withdrawn from routine activities and display a loss of interest in activities. Other symptoms might include:

• Excessive sleeping or insomnia
• Increase or decrease in appetite
• Sudden weight gain or loss
• Hyperactivity or apathy and withdrawal
• Self-destructive behavior, defiance, destructiveness of property
• Nervous behavior such as nail biting, teeth grinding
• Escape behavior such as running away or immersion in TV, studies or chemicals
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, variety of complaints
• Prolonged and persistent temper tantrums
• Explosive crying
• Loss of sense of joy
• Frequent nightmares.

Helping Your Child

Assist your child in minimizing the stress in his life and maximizing his self-esteem. Find the strategies that best suit you, your child and your family. Begin working on your own methods of coping as well. Your coping strategies are often mirrored by your children. When you are in control, your family will function more smoothly. When you are stressed out, your family will likely feel the impact of that stress.

Listen. Children need to unload their feelings. They do not always want advice. They want an empathetic ear! Simply reflecting what you hear is a first step. Try, "I can see that is really bothering you... lt hurts when a friend says bad things about you, doesn't it... l bet you felt embarrassed when that happened..." These reflective statements do not make problems go away, and they do not solve things. This type of discussion will help your child sort out exactly what it is that is bothering her. Often she will come up with her own solution, which is better than any advice you could give. This method is very important in raising children capable of solving their problems. And your children will learn that you are always there to support them instead of only judging them.

Observe. Watch closely for hidden signs of stress. Engage your child in conversation about this.

Accept negative feelings. Accept the fact that your child will have negative experiences and feelings and that you need not do something to "fix it." Your child needs you to listen and reflect at this time. Allow time for her to cool down, and show confidence in her. This will allow you to guide her into positive problem solving.

Re-evaluate your expectations for your child. Are they realistic? Prioritize activities, and help eliminate unnecessary stress. Is your child overscheduled?

Check your child's health. Examine food and sleep habits as well as medical needs.

Praise and encourage your child often. Avoid nagging blaming, criticizing and threatening.

Set a good example yourself.

Help your child to see stress as a challenge.

Spend relaxed time with your child. Avoid overscheduling your child. Children need quiet or relaxing times as well as their activities.

Engage help of teachers, counselors, doctors or other trained professionals.