Social Development in the Preschool Years

Developing social relations is an important milestone for four-year-olds. For many four-year-olds, the school experience will be the first time that they will have to negotiate getting along with a group of children their own age. Although four-year-olds still engage in parallel play, they are becoming increasingly interested in playing with other children. Along with playing with others comes the need to play cooperatively and fairly. These are skills that four-year-olds need help in developing. They have difficulty sharing and often believe that things need to be their way and no other. When conflicts do arise, they want to solve them but lack the verbal skills to do so. Helping children understand turn taking, sharing, and being respectful of their peers is a major challenge when working with four-year-olds. Activities can be structured to facilitate cooperative social skills.

Four-year-olds are beginning to make distinctions between children who they prefer to play with and those who they have no interest in. Although most friendships at this age are controlled by parental choice and proximity, children are beginning to make requests and clearly play better with some children than they do with others (Rubin, Coplan, Nelson, & Cheah, 1999).

Five-year-olds are very social and frequently prefer other children’s company to that of adults. They have developed some effective cooperative skills and have learned, for the most part, how to get along and play with others. They are beginning to internalize social rules. Jake understands that if he hits his friend because he wants to pitch the ball, his friend will become angry and will not want to play at all. Play activities typically occur in one-to-one situations or in small groups. At this age, children are also expressing preferences over children who they want to play with and those who they do not. Friendships are becoming more clearly defined. Five-year-olds also are beginning to understand the power of social rejection. In the middle of arguing about the rules of a game they were playing, Lee says to Evan, “If you don’t play the right way, you can’t be my friend anymore, and you can’t come over to my house.” Children at this age can be loving, affectionate friends and also have the ability to say things to one another that can be very hurtful. Teachers need to be aware of the social structure of the relationships among children in their classroom. It is important to help children become aware of other children’s feelings and develop a sense of respect for others.

Social relations can affect children’s cognitive and emotional development. A socially rejected child will be a child that is not happy at school. Helping children get along with one another will promote a positive classroom attitude and instill a love of learning in all children.